What a Wick: the last 7 days in 9 (12th to 18th April 2014) By Pilaiye Cenac

Standard

issuesA US man robbed a bank wearing a t-shirt emblazoned with “I Have Issues.” Very helpful dude. If all others with issues provided this bit of information, we would not be as ‘weirded out’ by their actions.

Let’s examine arguments supporting this uniform.

  1. A US man stole a woman’s dog and her flat screen TV on their first date.
  2. A German man wanted for fraud stopped by a police station in Austria just to check that they had “nothing on him.” Turns out they did. He was arrested.
  3. A US man raped a 2-year-old and filmed the act using a cell phone camera.
  4. A US man killed his girlfriend then sent text messages to her family members stating, “She’s dead. I have the last laugh.”
  5. A Polish thief swallowed the items he’d stolen before police could pick him up. He swallowed six watches, a fork, a spoon, cigarette lighters and other objects.
  6. The US government has approved the powdered alcohol brand ‘Palcohol’.
  7. A US man suffocated his young, crying son because this parent wanted to play video games and watch TV undisturbed.
  8. A US man didn’t want to pay a 22-cent tax on a two-liter bottle of soda at a convenience store. He pulled out a submachine gun to make his point.
  9. South Korean plastic surgeons are now handing out ‘plastic surgery certificates’ to overseas patients since some look so different after plastic surgery that they have difficulty reentering their homelands. The certificates, developed to help convince immigration officials, include the patient’s passport number, the duration of stay, the name and location of the hospital and the hospital’s official seal.

Consider yourselves up to speed….

 

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