What a Wick: the last 7 days in 14 (23rd to 29th June 2012)

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“In a world where…” is a well-known phrase used to introduce movie trailers. No matter how silly, low budget, awe-uninspiring the movie, this phrase delivered by the right voiceover artist, lends an air of importance/seriousness. They make it ‘sound’ like a good movie…though it aint!

Let’s makes those news items sound read worthy… 

  1. In a world where we are forced to choose sides… US thieves have started stealing the right side of a pair of shoes from one store’s display and the left shoe from another store’s display. 
  2. In a world where men claim to take the high road… A US millionaire is suing his ex-wife because he was unaware of her extensive shoe collection (1200 pairs) at the time of their divorce, and he thinks that the shoes should have been part of their divorce settlement.
  3. In a world where it pays to be a cut above the rest…Ten Zimbabwean MP have been circumcised as part of a campaign to fight HIV/AIDS.
  4. In a world where many are dying of hunger… A Chinese football fan died after going 11 nights without sleep, as he tried to watch every one of the Euro 2012 games.
  5. In a world where heartless criminals terrorize the masses… A thief broke into a US church, stole $20 and left a note: “Forgive me. I need the money.”
  6. In a world where the dead walk among us… A Swedish woman received a partial refund from an airline after she was forced to sit near a man who’d died in flight.
  7. In a world where needs take precedence…Over 50% of German women say that they’d rather go without sex for a year than give up TV.  
  8. In a world where men are known for their wandering eyes…Sales numbers confirm that women are spending a fortune on lingerie and sexy underwear to get the attention of men who’ve been focused on the Euro 2012 games.
  9. In a world where we are what we eatThe Australian who named his snack “Nuckin Futs” is being allowed to proceed with distribution since no one complained about the product’s name being offensive.

10. In a world where terror reigns… A German homeowner called police to complain that a burglar was trying to break in with what sounded like a power drill. He claimed that the drill was so powerful that it was causing his kitchen tiles to shake. The ‘burglar with the power drill’ turned out to be a vibrator  — it had fallen off a shelf, turned itself on and was vibrating against a pipe. 

11. In a world where few understand the need to fight pollution…A 72-year-old US man pointed a gun at a neighbor who’d man farted outside his door.

12. In a world where some say size does not matter (Yes Kamla, it does)…A UK man had the fat removed from his love handles and injected into his penis to make it ‘thicker’.

13. In a world where mothers put everything on-the-line… A Chinese woman, aware that her baby had a high fever, spent a whole day chatting online without stopping to attend to the child. She found the child dead the next morning.

14. In a world where ‘Men In Black 3’ was just released…Over 65% of Americans believe that Obama is better suited than Mitt Romney to deal with an alien invasion.

Consider yourselves up to speed…

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