What a Wick: the last 7 days in 19 (11th to 17th June 2011)

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We mark Father’s Day with 19 songs for fathers. Turn Up the Volume…

  1. Don’t Wake Daddy by Tragically Hip: An Irish woman hit a man who was already lying in the road, and did not stop because she didn’t want her son to see a dead body. After the hit, she run home to carry out “various chores”.
  2. Papa Don’t Preach by Madonna: A NYC cop stopped a woman who was riding a bicycle to warn her that her skirt was too short: “it’s very disturbing, and it’s distracting the cars and it’s dangerous…it could cause an accident.”
  3. Forgive Them Father by Lauryn Hill: A US man complained of feeling ill while in the act of raping an old lady at knifepoint. He got off her to rest for a while, and when he tried to get back to his dirty deed, he rolled over and died!
  4. The Doggfather by Snoop Dogg: Two Malaysian neighbors finally ended a feud over barking dogs by signing a peace treaty.
  5. Don’t Cry Daddy by Elvis Presley: A British man, realizing that medication was doing little to remove a wart of his finger, resorted to using a gun to shoot the wart off. “The wart was gone, and so was most of my finger… The best thing is that the wart has gone. It was giving me (a) lot of trouble.”
  6. That Silver Haired Daddy of Mine by Gene Autry: Hugh Hefner’s wedding was called off. Hef discovered that his fiancée (24 year old) had planned to ditch him at the altar.
  7. Papa Don’t Take No Mess by James Brown: A Japanese scientist developed a burger made with protein taken from human excrement.
  8. Come Back Sweet Papa by Louis Armstrong: A UK man committed suicide after his cat went missing. The cat returned home two weeks later.
  9. My Daddy Knows Best by The Marvelettes : UK fishermen will be forced to use whole wheat bread, and not white bread, as bait. According to authorities white bread is bad for the fish; it leaves fish ‘bloated and lethargic’.

10. Sugar Daddy by Jackson Five: A study found that that men who drive sports cars and buy flashy products do so to attract women. These men are generally interested in short-term sexual relationships.

11. Things My Father Said by Black Stone Cherry: A man found guilty of impersonating a doctor, had advised one of his patients to eat watermelon while sitting in a hot tub to cure her kidney issues.

12. My Father’s House by Bruce Springsteen: 12% of Canadian fathers are stay-at-home dads.

13. Big Poppa by Notorious B.I.G: A wife killed her husband after she discovered his extra-marital escapades, by keeping count of his Viagra tablets.

14. Daddy’s Hand by Holly Dunn: A US man brought a lawsuit against a nail salon for charging him $US1 more for a manicure. “I feel I’m being discriminated against based on my gender. There’s nothing to say my hands or my nails are any different than a woman’s nails”.

15. Father Figure by George Michaels: Al Qaeda has named Osama bin Laden’s successor.

16. I’m a Ding Dong Daddy by Louis Armstrong: A US man was kicked off a plane and arrested for refusing to pull up his sagging pants.

17. Papa Was a Rolling Stone by Temptations: Every year, over 20,000 people in the UK have to be hospitalized after falling out of bed.

18. Daddy’s Money by Ricochet: An Australian woman will face a 2-year prison sentence for using a fictitious child to obtain over $100,000 in welfare.

19. Papa’s Got A Brand New Bag by James Brown: Kidnappers holding a Trini businessman demanded a ransom of $200,000 and a bag of marijuana!

Consider yourselves up to speed…

 

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