The world is supposed to end today people… hope it’s after you’re done with Wick (hint…don’t read so quickly). Did you adjust your behaviour at all this week, just in case? Were you a tad nicer to your neighbour? Huh? You can confess — this may be your last opportunity to do so. People handled the apocalyptic predictions in different ways: some repented, some indulged and some went a little weird…
1. Arnold Schwarzenegger was forced to confess that he’d had an extramarital affair with his former housekeeper; he has a ten-year-old son with the woman.
2. Trump finally came clean. He announced that he will not be running for president of the US
3. A South Korean man was found nailed to a cross in a manner similar to the crucifixion of Jesus. Police concluded that it was a case of suicide.
4. Research found that only 15% of people want to live forever and only 9% would like to live past 100.
5. One third of German students confessed that they would consider sex work as a way to pay their way through school.
6. The Facebook page “Post rapture looting” issued this invitation: “When everyone is gone and god’s not looking, we need to pick up some sweet stereo equipment and maybe some new furniture for the mansion we’re going to squat in.” Hundreds of thousands indicated that they would attend this event.
7. An American man ate his 25,000th Big Mac at a ceremony hosted by MacDonald’s.
8. In the US, a woman who chatted loudly on her cell phone throughout a 15-hour train ride had to be forcibly removed by police after passengers complained.
9. Russian police arrested a killer who was caught eating his friend’s liver with a serving of potatoes.
10. A Brazilian woman who suffers from hyper sexuality won the right to watch porn on her work computer and masturbate while at her office.
11. An 87-year-old Nigerian man has decided that he will stop at 107 wives. He has fathered 185 children and lives in an 89-bedroom house with his family.
12. The US found a stash of pornography at bin Laden’s hideout.
13. An insurance company in Germany rewarded its best salesmen (100 of them) by organizing an orgy with prostitutes (20 of them). The Math is a bit off…
They went a little weird:
14. Watermelons have been exploding in China, but not in a good way. Farmers used too much growth chemicals and this has caused the fruits to detonate.
15. A US woman is under investigation after putting her two-year-old child up for sale on eBay.
16. An Israeli couple named their child “Like” after the popular button on Facebook.
17. A British woman is allergic to electricity. She cannot live in a house with any electricity and cannot even live in a neighborhood where neighbors use wireless internet.
18. A US man stabbed his girlfriend because she bought milk after he’d already purchased some.
19. Four Italians had to be rushed to the hospital after an altercation at a supermarket. The fight broke out because a customer told the supermarket attendant that the slices of ham were too thick.
Consider yourselves (slowly) up to speed….