Ah fail. Yea man. And I hate to fail. I’m feeling misunderstood. You keep telling me how Wick entertains you, how it makes you laugh/chuckle, how it lightens your weekend. Bu people, that’s not really what I was going for. I was going for profound. Serious. Hard-hitting. Life-changing. I was looking to leave my mark on humankind. When I bring you these stories every Wick, I aim to:
- Reveal true intentions: A US businessman will produce medical marijuana soft drinks for sale.
- Change your outlook: An Austrian bank robber uses a Barack Obama mask during his robberies.
- Overcome boundaries: US Travel restrictions to Cuba have been relaxed under the Obama administration.
- Bring new information to light: Oprah introduced the world to her long-lost sister.
- Protect the innocent: At a university in China, students are required to shower with their underwear on, so as not to offend the cleaning staffs with their nudity.
- Spread vital information: An Australian man has come up with an iPhone App to help avoid parking fines. The Apps allows users to issue warnings when parking officers are near each other’s cars.
- End discrimination: In the UK, a principal turned a 14-year-old boy away from school because he said the child looked more like a 24 year old.
- Discern evil: A US woman faces charges for hanging, then burning a dog because it chewed on her Bible. She called it the “devil dog”.
- Help identify red flags: An Italian woman filed for divorce as soon as she returned from her honeymoon. Her husband had brought his mother on the honeymoon with them, without even discussing it with her first.
10. Inspire you to take a stand (over and over and over…again): A man living in Germany has asked the police to protect him from his wife who constantly wants sex. “Now he has decided to get a divorce and to move out… in the hope of finally getting some rest, particularly as he is anxious to arrive at work well rested,” police said in a statement.
11. Show the value of higher education: A Canadian woman is the first ever to earn a Masters degree in Beatles studies. (Yes, I’m serious!)
12. Help you take action before it’s too late: A 29-year-old Briton will become Britain’s youngest grandfather.
13. Show that crime does not pay (indefinitely, that is): “The court finds Stanford is incompetent to stand trial at this time based on his apparent impaired ability to rationally assist his attorneys in preparing his defense,” a US judge indicated in Allen Stanford’s case. Stanford is addicted to anti-anxiety medication.
14. Help you get back up, when you’re down: Nelson Mandela is recovering from a collapsed lung.
15. Motivate you: A UK man was told that he is not fat enough to qualify for a particular weight loss surgery. He is now overeating to qualify.
16. Provide nutritional facts: A supermarket worker in the US has been accused of ejaculating into yogurt samples they hand out to patrons.
17. Recognize go-getters: In the US, a four-year-old boy felt for candy at 3 am, so he left his house and walked to the gas station to purchase some.
18. Send a message: Mexican drug dealers are using large catapults to fling packages containing marijuana into the US.
19. Show the dangers of carrying excess weight: Some US firemen are blaming the collapse of a gas station’s roof on the weight of pigeon droppings on that roof.
I fell short of my aims, but I will take entertaining . Thanks!
…Consider yourselves up to speed…