Road rage! I understand that it is communicable and as prevalent as the common cold nowadays. To those who haven’t caught it yet, I say keep your windows closed, fume and cuss in the privacy of your vehicle, and believe that some day this too shall end. To those who are spreading it, I say pay attention to the traffic signs. They were put there for a reason!
- Horn Prohibited: Tiger Woods’ divorce was finalized this week.
- Steep Ascent: Trinidad’s PM was named one of the “Top 10 female leaders” by Time magazine.
- Men at Work: Some European nations are looking overseas to try to fill positions that nationals are unwilling to take up. Britain requires sheep shearers, Spain is calling for judo teachers, Holland needs goldsmiths, and Sweden wants plumbers, chefs and crane operators.
- Yield: Calls continue for Jamaica’s PM to resign based his administration’s handling of the Dudus situation.
- Dangerous Dip: The US man, who’d found a used condom instead of melted cheese in his order of French onion soup, settled his lawsuit against the restaurant this week.
- No Entry: A man living in Germany was shot in the head five years ago; however he was not aware of it until he sought medical attention, on account of headaches, and the doctor found the bullet lodged in the back of his head.
- Slippery Road: Scientists have developed ‘dry water’; it consists of 95 percent water but it’s in powder form.
- Lane Merging: To reduce the number of spinsters, a Kuwaiti MP proposed that the state provide financial assistance to male citizens willing to take on second wives.
- Priority Road: A 30-year-old Japanese man burned down his mother’s house because she disposed of some of his favorite robot toys. He said, ”I wanted to die with them [the toys] in a fire if they were to be thrown out.”
10. One-Way: It’s the bosses’ way or no way. A Saudi couple made a habit of driving hot nails and needles into the hands, legs and forehead of their maid whenever she complained about the heavy workload. Doctors removed some of those from the maid’s body this week.
11. Load Limit: A US salon charges overweight customers an extra $5 for manicures and pedicures because of potential damage to salon chairs. “Do you think that’s fair when we take $24 [for manicure and pedicure] and we have to pay $2,500 [to fix the chair]? Is that fair? No.”
12. Road Closed/Do Not Pass: Some Surinamese are upset that a Rastafarian was nominated for the post of minister of justice. He’s being asked to take a haircut.
13. Road Widens Ahead: Usain Bolt’s new contract with Puma makes him the world’s most highly sponsored runner. He’s secured until 2013.
14. Barrier Ahead: Cuba is hoping to save money by cutting cigarette rations to the 2.5 million Cubans over 54 years old.
15. Uneven Road: The British have come up with another reality show concept. They will film the daily lives of two people — one ugly and one beautiful– residing in a house full of mirrors.
16. Steep Descent: Wyclef Jean who did not disqualify for the race for the Haitian presidency has released a song (Prison for the CEP) accusing the current President of Haiti of engineering his rejection.
17. No U-Turn: The crew of a British Airways flight hastened to assuage passengers’ fears after a message mistakenly came over the system warning that the plane was about to crash.
18. Slow Down: A New Zealand teen swallowed her toothbrush when she tripped and fell while running with the brush in her mouth.
19. Stop: …And remember t. Lucia’s Queen of Culture today. Sesenne receives an official funeral two weeks after her passing.
Consider yourselves up to speed….