What a Wick: the last 7 days in 19 (17th – 23rd July, 2010)

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I wasn’t present for Lucian carnival but this is what I heard:

  1. More than 7,000 children in Gaza dribbled baskets simultaneously for five minutes hoping to be a “Big Hit” in Guinness Book of World Records.
  2. It was Papa Vader “For King”; he won St. Lucia’s calypso monarch competition.
  3. Fidel Castro is singing a “Bomb Song”; he foresees a nuclear war in Middle East.
  4. “Ah Taking Ah Wine” or in this case a beer. BrewDog, the strongest (55%) and most expensive (US $855) beer, is now being sold in bottles stuffed into dead animals.
  5. “One Last Chance” is the gist of what a jailed husband wrote in letters to his wife’s cat! The letters were in fact intended for the wife to dissuade her from testifying against him in a case, but he addressed them to the pet since he was to have no contact with the wife.
  6. “Dey Cyar Stop It” is what a Canadian man meant to say when he indicated his intention to challenge the ticket he was given for driving a drink cooler on the sidewalk. The cooler boasted a radio, cup holders and a 5.5-horsepower motor.
  7. Do you “Love This Feeling” you get from watching romantic comedies? Well, don’t. Australian researchers found that such movies negatively affect real life relationships.
  8. A Dutch priest was suspended for dedicating a mass to the Dutch national soccer team on the day Holland played against Spain. He wore orange, decked the church out in orange flags and sang soccer songs throughout the mass.  He was probably even shouting, ““Wave Something”.
  9. “Don’t Apologize…Leave My Beaches Alone” is a statement for anyone who encounters a situation similar to the following. A woman was touring the grounds of a British castle when her dog ran ahead of her, but by the time she caught up, a transvestite was already having sex with the animal.

10. How do you get the ladies to say, “Boy You Have Me”? French researchers advised that women who listened to music with romantic lyrics were more likely to accept requests to go out on dates.

11. “The Fireman” is how Chavez would described Bolivar, who was exhumed, 180 years after his death, for the purpose of verifying cause of death. “I confess we cried, we swore. I’m telling you, that glorious skeleton has got to be Bolivar’s, because you can feel his fire.”

12. You would expect a “Dark and Lovely” baby from two black people but that was not the case with a black couple in the UK. The wife gave birth to a blonde, blue-eyed white baby. Doctors have been unable to explain this.

13. In Germany, a cheating couple fell from an apartment window during a sexual encounter and suffered injuries. There was no need to “Push Dem”.

14. Storm Bonnie is “Ready for Dem” in the Gulf this weekend. The storm will most likely exacerbate the oil spill situation in the Gulf.

15. In the “Mad People Segment”, a British man murdered his wife because she outperformed him at the game of bridge.

16. Want to know my “First Impression” when I heard the report that aliens were attempting to contact humans using a cosmic version of Twitter – Please, “Dey Doh Give a Damn!”

17. You must be “Pa Melee” to eat a poisonous snake for a bet of only $2. An Indian man did this, but thankfully doctors were able to remove the reptile from his stomach before its venom entered his blood stream.

18. A Taiwanese presenter had no “De Fence” when a mosquito flew into her mouth and choked her on live tv. She had to be hospitalized.

19. “Nothing Sweeter Than Dat” – the ‘dat’ is civet coffee, the most expensive coffee in the world. Muslims in Indonesia were just given the go ahead to consume this coffee which is made from the faeces of the civet cat. Initially, this coffee was initially considered unclean and therefore sinful to consume.

Consider yourselves up to speed…

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