What a Wick: the last 7 days in 19 (5-11th June, 2010)


Ladies, it’s called The Beautiful Game for a reason. I mean, just look at your guy’s face when he’s watching it. See how excited he gets? Hmmmm. And he’ll be watching it from June 11th to July 11th, so brace yourself – you’re on your own for a whole month. Unlesss…stay with me here… unless you learn the language to infiltrate that world! Here are some basics.  Let’s practice:

  1. To TACKLE the problem of food wastage a restaurant in Australia insists that diners eat everything on their plates or pay a PENALTY and not return.
  2. Some people are getting a KICK out of the idea that the man who appears in the 1993 hip hop video for “Whoomp (There It Is)” is Barack Obama.
  3. The British government funded a college course called “Sexy Heels in the City”. The GOAL of the course is to teach girls how to walk in heels because “the earlier younger ladies learn how to walk in heels, the better it’s going to be in the long run — with business and social lives.”
  4. In the US, three thieves took a CHIP SHOT when they forced the man they were robbing to help them carry his flat screen TV down the stairs.
  5. ILLEGAL HANDLING resulted in Beenie Man being arrested and charged. The dancehall artist assaulted an entertainer who accidentally hit his Audi Q7.
  6. An Australian psychologist found that being in a FOUL mood actually helps one think clearly and make better decisions.
  7. In the US, a man forced his pregnant girlfriend to sign an “abuse contract” giving him permission to STRIKER at his will.
  8. Concerned parents and nutritionists have spoken up in and effort to SHIELD babies from a new chocolate flavored formula containing 19 grams of sugar. This formula has been described as ‘a baby milkshake’.
  9. Apparently for Kamla, Jack Warner is a KEEPER in T&T’s cabinet, despite the controversy surrounding his dual roles (cabinet minister and FIFA vice president).

10.  Jamaica’s PM has accused the ABC network of a PROFESSIONAL FOUL for referring to him as a ‘criminal affiliate’ of Dudus. He has threatened legal action.

11.  Chinese authorities cited the possibility of some kind of HAT TRICK as the reason they initially denied visas to bald men. In their view “it was easier for bald people to disguise themselves”. The ban has been lifted.

12.  A 7-year-old boy experienced SUDDEN DEATH by hanging at the hands of Taliban militants who accused him of spying for the government.

13.  Talk about FAKE. 15 workers at a bar in England all had their names legally changed to ‘Wayne Rooney’ to show support for their team representing at the World Cup.

14.  Progress has been made in the case of the 2-year-old Indonesian boy who smoked 40 cigarettes a day; he now smokes 15 a day. Play therapy is being used to help him KICK the habit.

15.  The Taliban’s version of MAN-MARKING involved a plot to kill new British Prime Minister David Cameron during his visit to Afghanistan. But their plan was foiled.

16.  Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez proposed a way to SLIDE TACKLE the issue of kids not wanting to go to sleep nightly – have them watch his speeches on TV.

17.  A Chinese man was found to be OUT OF BOUNDS for selling his 2-year-old son online for $2650 but he was sentenced to only 6 months in jail.

18.  West Indian batsman, Nash, said, ““We’re sick of losing. We don’t like losing. We don’t enjoy it, but it is not something we can just turn around in one day.” Well, get the BALL rolling Nash!

19.  …And if all else fails, practice a mild form of hooliganism by bawling: KAKA, RONALDO, MESSI, XAVI, ROONEY!

Good luck ladies…consider yourselves up to speed….and soccer schooled 😉


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