I ent schupid. As soon as Manning announced the election date for T&T, I booked my ticket for Ste. Lucie. I wanted to ensure that I was out of there for the 2 weeks leading up to May 24th. Why? Huh. Too much pre-election bacchanal. Too much race and party politics. I prefer to cut the dramatics out; I just want those running for government to tell me that they will:
1) Look into reducing road fatalities: “Obama threw me under the bus,” Obama’s former pastor claimed this week. The pastor insists that he is being shunned by Obama and his administration because of the pre-election incident.
2) Ensure that the education system equips students with relevant skills: A US teacher is being investigated because of an example she used during a geometry lesson. According to her lesson, ‘If you’re in this building, you would need to take this angle to shoot the president.'”
3) Enhance performance: Seven times Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong has denied accusations levelled at him by a former teammate that he used drugs during his career.
4) Encourage fair trade practices: A US man was supposedly willing to give his 3-month-old daughter to a pump attendant at a gas station for a pair of 40-ounce bottles of beer.
5) Push sports as a means of keeping young people out of trouble: A captured al-Qaeda militant divulged that he’d planned to attack the Dutch and Danish teams and their fans in South Africa during World Cup in June. This was supposed to be revenge for cartoons drawn of the Prophet Muhammad.
6) Sustain development: Levern Spencer’s reign continues; she won gold in Brazil.
7) Develop a coherent export strategy: In Beijing a man faces trial for illegal organ trafficking. Human organs are highly demanded in China; half a liver costs on average US$6600.
8) Ensure national disaster preparedness: Scientists worry that the inclement weather during the hurricane season could worsen the situation with the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.
9) Ensure that citizens are protected: A shop in Amsterdam will distribute 2,000 “Pope condoms” this weekend, merely to poke fun at Roman Catholics. The condom wrappers bear the image of the pope.
10)Monitor growth in the civil service: In a town in Japan, civil servants are forbidden from growing beards. According to an official, “We have decided to ban our workers from growing a beard as we have received complaints saying they are unpleasant.”
11)Improve the tourism product: Martinique won “Best Caribbean Destination” based on a poll by About.com’s Caribbean travel site.
12)Diversify: Google introduced a TV service which will unite live television viewing and web access.
13)End discrimination: A UK man got his license suspended for 3 years for driving a pink, electric Barbie car at 4mph while drunk.
14)Encourage private partnership in technological development: The i-Fairy, became the first robot to preside over a wedding. It united a Japanese couple.
15)Fight corruption: Pakistani authorities have blocked YouTube and Facebook because of “growing sacrilegious content”.
16)Review the Retrenchment and Severance Benefits Act: A report found that nine million workers in the U.K plan to take time off to watch World Cup in June. 31,850,000 excuses will be used; 1 in 20 workers will lie about a death in family to stay home to watch the games.
17)Guarantee transparency: Caricom observers are already in T&T and Suriname preparing for next week’s elections.
18)Take a familial approach to dealing with mental health issues: The Saint Lucia Tourist Board launched a “Go Bananas” vacation to entice families to the island.
19)Facilitate constitutional reform: The first synthetic cell has been created. “This is literally a turning point in the relationship between man and nature,” said a biologist.
Consider yourselves up to speed…