For West Indians, cricket fever escalated to something akin to hemorrhagic fever… OK, I’m being a little melodramatic, but the outcome was stressful! From Tuesday evening the symptoms became apparent – pained expressions, chest and abdominal discomfort, fatigue, irritability, loss of hope, foul language. Quite frankly we should be immune to stress from this source by now; nevertheless here are some professional recommendations to overcome it:
- Allow yourself the time to recover: Time heals all wounds…a pill enabling humans to live till age 100 will become available by 2012.
- Shift the focus to something positive: Some New York strippers are begging the state to impose taxes on them to secure funding to help out local schools.
- Take a walk: Haitians want their current President to hit the road! They fear that he will use the devastation of the January 12th earthquake as an excuse to extend his term.
- Take a breather: Gordon Brown resigned as British PM and Labour Party leader but he plans to chill out on the backbench in parliament.
- Eat well: T&T’s PM supposedly spends approximately $80,000 on groceries weekly.
- Toy with a new exciting project: A Finnish travel agency now offers vacations for stuffed toys priced at up to €170. The inanimate object receives a luxury vacation; the owner receives a videotape of the trip and the bill!
- Get pampered: In Japan, driving schools have increased their clientele by conducting driving lessons in BMWs and also offering massages and manicures to students who are stressed out by driving tuition.
- Watch a comedy: During his bid for reelection, T&T’s PM admitted to a crowd of supporters, “I made mistakes. And I still make mistakes my dear friends. But I am a human being.”
- Reduce alcohol intake: Bajans noted and celebrated the fact that their home girl Rihanna was spotted in London with a half empty bottle of Barbados’ own Mount Gay Rum.
10.Take up gardening: A Japanese lingerie designer has come up with a rice bra! The bra can actually be worn but it can be used simultaneously for growing rice.
11. Do deep breathing exercises: Smoking may be hazardous to your health but Chinese scientists have found good use for cigarette butts – the chemicals contained prevent corrosion of steel.
12. Focus on your personal achievements: St Lucia has recorded double-digit growth in tourism for first quarter of 2010. For St. Lucian’s tourism minister this is vindication.
13. Distance yourself from the problem: NASA has been receiving some confusing messages space. A UFO expert explained that a NASA probe might have been hijacked by aliens.
14. Avoid other potentially stressful situations: Bill Clinton has a plan to help pay off the debt his wife incurred during her presidential campaign. It’s a raffle! Ticket price? $5. Prize? A day with Bill in New York.
15. Become immersed in artistic expressions: Playboy’s June issue will feature a 3D centrefold.
16. But don’t become lost in artistic expression: Japan’s PM fell from grace after wearing an ugly multicolored shirt to a function with voters.
17. Add drops of essential oils to your bath water: ‘A drop in the ocean’ is BP’s description of the 4 million gallons of oil spilled into the Gulf of Mexico.
18. Get physical: Approximately 40,000 prostitutes have already arrived in South Africa to set up shop in time for FIFA World Cup Football in June.
19. Move on: The West Indies also has a women’s team!
Consider yourselves up to speed….