What a Wick: the last 7 days in 19 (8th-14th May, 2010)

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For West Indians, cricket fever escalated to something akin to hemorrhagic fever… OK, I’m being a little melodramatic, but the outcome was stressful! From Tuesday evening the symptoms became apparent – pained expressions, chest and abdominal discomfort, fatigue, irritability, loss of hope, foul language.  Quite frankly we should be immune to stress from this source by now; nevertheless here are some professional recommendations to overcome it:

  1. Allow yourself the time to recover:  Time heals all wounds…a pill enabling humans to live till age 100 will become available by 2012.
  2. Shift the focus to something positive:  Some New York strippers are begging the state to impose taxes on them to secure funding to help out local schools.
  3. Take a walk: Haitians want their current President to hit the road! They fear that he will use the devastation of the January 12th earthquake as an excuse to extend his term.
  4. Take a breather: Gordon Brown resigned as British PM and Labour Party leader but he plans to chill out on the backbench in parliament.
  5. Eat well: T&T’s PM supposedly spends approximately $80,000 on groceries weekly.
  6. Toy with a new exciting project: A Finnish travel agency now offers vacations for stuffed toys priced at up to €170. The inanimate object receives a luxury vacation; the owner receives a videotape of the trip and the bill!
  7. Get pampered: In Japan, driving schools have increased their clientele by conducting driving lessons in BMWs and also offering massages and manicures to students who are stressed out by driving tuition.  
  8. Watch a comedy: During his bid for reelection, T&T’s PM admitted to a crowd of supporters, “I made mistakes. And I still make mistakes my dear friends. But I am a human being.”
  9. Reduce alcohol intake: Bajans noted and celebrated the fact that their home girl Rihanna was spotted in London with a half empty bottle of Barbados’ own Mount Gay Rum.

10.Take up gardening: A Japanese lingerie designer has come up with a rice bra! The bra can actually be worn but it can be used simultaneously for growing rice.

11.  Do deep breathing exercises: Smoking may be hazardous to your health but Chinese scientists have found good use for cigarette butts – the chemicals contained prevent corrosion of steel.

12.  Focus on your personal achievements: St Lucia has recorded double-digit growth in tourism for first quarter of 2010. For St. Lucian’s tourism minister this is vindication.

13.  Distance yourself from the problem: NASA has been receiving some confusing messages space. A UFO expert explained that a NASA probe might have been hijacked by aliens.

14. Avoid other potentially stressful situations: Bill Clinton has a plan to help pay off the debt his wife incurred during her presidential campaign. It’s a raffle! Ticket price? $5. Prize? A day with Bill in New York.

15.  Become immersed in artistic expressions: Playboy’s June issue will feature a 3D centrefold.

16.  But don’t become lost in artistic expression: Japan’s PM fell from grace after wearing an ugly multicolored shirt to a function with voters.

17.  Add drops of essential oils to your bath water: ‘A drop in the ocean’ is BP’s description of the 4 million gallons of oil spilled into the Gulf of Mexico.

18.  Get physical: Approximately 40,000 prostitutes have already arrived in South Africa to set up shop in time for FIFA World Cup Football in June.

19.  Move on: The West Indies also has a women’s team!

Consider yourselves up to speed….

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