What a Wick: the last 7 days in 19 (17-23rd April, 2010)

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This week I became a statistic, a victim of a housebreaking. The thieves took some valuables and because I know the state of police work in these parts my expectations are quite low when it comes to recovering those. But I still have a lot to be thankful for. After all I didn’t lose everything.

  1. I didn’t lose my marbles: …But a UK man did when a doctor accidentally cut off his testicle. The nurse who witnessed this reported that the doc stood there, looking surprised, organ in hand, after the mishap.
  2. I didn’t lose confidence: …But apparently many have regarding the coalition government which is being considered to fight the PNM in T&T’s May 24th elections.
  3. I didn’t lose courage: …And neither did a US man who was diagnosed with colon cancer and given only a few months to live. He has started selling advertising space on his urn to raise the funds for his cremation.  
  4. I didn’t lose out:… Like Vybz Kartel who has been denied the opportunity to perform in St. Lucia this month end. The little islands have been taking a big stand against Jamaican artists.  
  5. I didn’t lose my way: …But I’m wondering if some thieves in Amsterdam lost theirs. They broke into a prison and stole the prisoners’ televisions.
  6. I didn’t lose my mind: …But I’m not sure about the Iranian priest who announced that women – the promiscuous and scantily clad ones – are responsible for the spate of earthquakes worldwide.
  7. I didn’t lose myself: …But 4% of the 20,000 North Americans surveyed claimed that they would sacrifice a body part to secure a victory for their country in the upcoming World Cup.
  8. Hopefully I didn’t lose favor: …Like the man who wiped his bottom with the French flag. The French government will prosecute him.
  9. I didn’t lose my lunch: …Even when I heard that in the UK a dead body was merely tucked under a couch ten years ago, and someone was living in that house during those ten years.

10.  I didn’t lose any sleep: …And neither did the Pope. He dozed off in front of tens of thousands during a mass.

11.  I didn’t lose my nerve: …But a British woman experienced a severe headache and subsequently started speaking with a Chinese accent.  Doctors diagnosed her as having Foreign Accent Syndrome.

12.I didn’t lose my patience: …Though it wore a little thin when the Bolivian President suggested that homosexuality is the result of eating too much chicken.

13.  I didn’t lose my appetite:… Although others might have if they had followed a recipe in a new Australian cookbook which required the addition of “salt and freshly ground black people”. The books were destroyed because of the typo.

14.  I didn’t lose touch with reality: …Even on April 20th at 4:20 p.m. when thousands of Americans flouted the law by smoking marijuana and getting high in public. It’s an annual celebration for weed smokers.

15.  I didn’t lose a bundle: …But the airlines apparently did because they are demanding compensation from the UK government for grounding flights ‘unnecessarily’ during the volcanic ash disaster.

16.  I didn’t lose faith…But I did wondered a little when the PM of Antigua and Barbuda declared a holy war against the opposition.

17.  I didn’t lose face…And a Spaniard received the first ever full face transplant. It took a team of 30 doctors to get that done.

18.  I didn’t lose my bearings: …When I heard that a British tourist was charged with animal cruelty when he was arrested at a bestiality farm.

19.  I didn’t lose my cool: …Even when the investigating officer who came to my house wanted to know if I could help him with a personal problem instead of well…investigating.

Consider yourselves up to speed….

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