What a Wick: the last 7 days in 19 (20th- 26th March, 2010)

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This week I interviewed a young lady and of course I threw in the interview staple “Tell me a little about yourself”. Lemme tell ya…seriously, she sat there for what seemed like an eternity, and she still couldn’t tell me one thing – no matter how much I prompted her. She couldn’t find anything to say: nothing good, nothing bad, nothing made up. Nada!  In place of that eerie silence, she could have said…

  1. I’m resourceful: …Like the Indian military. Those people found a way to use chili peppers to make hand grenades to battle the terrorists!
  2. I’m analytical: …Just like those who figured out that it would take $11.5 billion over the next three years to rebuild Haiti.
  3. I aim high: …Like the Bajans. According to the Airports Council International, their Grantley Adams International Airport is the best airport in the Caribbean.
  4. I am quite articulate: …Like the Thais. Hundreds of shaved heads speak volumes! Last week they used blood, this week the Thai continued their call for new elections by shaving their heads.
  5. I always go the extra mile: …Though that’s an understatement for the 330 tourists who in 2012 will be the first to visit space on a commercial passenger spaceship. Virgin Galactic started its flight testing programme this week.
  6. I’m very organised; I keep a tidy workspace: …Quite like Michael Jackson’s doctor who allegedly stopped giving a dying Jackson CPR to clean up evidence of his misconduct.
  7. You can count on me; I’m very reliable: …Like a six-year-old Chinese boy born with 15 fingers and 16 toes (and thus needed no abacus) who underwent corrective surgery this week.
  8. I am a fast learner: …Hopefully much faster than those who go to a Beijing clinic and clearly don’t understand the concept ‘once bitten twice shy’. At that clinic, bees are placed on patients’ bodies and are allowed to sting them to good health.
  9. I work well in groups: …Just like the two Taiwanese thieves who put an advertisement in a newspaper to recruit two accomplices for a heist they had planned. They actually advertised for “salesmen” and “business commissioners”.

10.  I am not afraid to ask for guidance: …Similar to the American man who stopped a cop car to ask for directions, after he’d robbed a convenience store.  

11.  It’s not important for me to be part of the in crowd: …Though the same can’t be said for a US man who tried to climb a twelve foot barbwire topped fence to get back into prison because he feared for his life on the outside. For this, he was sentenced to 15 years in prison.

12.  I am good at networking: …Maybe as good as the Trini man who denied his Prime Minister entry to his yard during a walkabout. This man is now a FaceBook superstar.

13.  I am tactful: This week, democrats received death threats because they supported the health care bill. Sarah Palin’s post “Don’t retreat. Instead, RELOAD” probably didn’t help.

14.  I am fair: …Even more than Bin Laden who warned that if the U.S. executed Khalid Sheik Mohammed that they would in turn execute the Americans captured by al-Qaida.

15.  I’m a problem solver: …And hopefully better than the US woman who thought that flinging her 2 year old son into her SUV, through a window, would deter the man who came to repossess the vehicle. 

16.  I’m modest: Two Indonesian provinces continue to flout the anti-pornography law because they see it as clashing with their cultural ideals. In these provinces women usually go topless.

17.  I can influence people to follow me: …But in a different way from the 67 year old Belgian woman who committed suicide by leaping out of the window of her twelfth-floor apartment. Unfortunately she hit a 72 year old man and killed him as well.

18.  I am consistent: …like the Swedish prisoner who was warned about his persistent farting. His flatulence represented a protest against prison life, and the prison warden described it as “a series of concerted attacks” on staff; the prisoner described his farts as “all noise and no fragrance”.

19.  I try not to fall behind in my work; I always try to keep abreast: A US psychologist invented a bra- like device to help women who want to lift their buttocks.

 Consider yourselves up to speed…

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