This week I interviewed a young lady and of course I threw in the interview staple “Tell me a little about yourself”. Lemme tell ya…seriously, she sat there for what seemed like an eternity, and she still couldn’t tell me one thing – no matter how much I prompted her. She couldn’t find anything to say: nothing good, nothing bad, nothing made up. Nada! In place of that eerie silence, she could have said…
- I’m resourceful: …Like the Indian military. Those people found a way to use chili peppers to make hand grenades to battle the terrorists!
- I’m analytical: …Just like those who figured out that it would take $11.5 billion over the next three years to rebuild Haiti.
- I aim high: …Like the Bajans. According to the Airports Council International, their Grantley Adams International Airport is the best airport in the Caribbean.
- I am quite articulate: …Like the Thais. Hundreds of shaved heads speak volumes! Last week they used blood, this week the Thai continued their call for new elections by shaving their heads.
- I always go the extra mile: …Though that’s an understatement for the 330 tourists who in 2012 will be the first to visit space on a commercial passenger spaceship. Virgin Galactic started its flight testing programme this week.
- I’m very organised; I keep a tidy workspace: …Quite like Michael Jackson’s doctor who allegedly stopped giving a dying Jackson CPR to clean up evidence of his misconduct.
- You can count on me; I’m very reliable: …Like a six-year-old Chinese boy born with 15 fingers and 16 toes (and thus needed no abacus) who underwent corrective surgery this week.
- I am a fast learner: …Hopefully much faster than those who go to a Beijing clinic and clearly don’t understand the concept ‘once bitten twice shy’. At that clinic, bees are placed on patients’ bodies and are allowed to sting them to good health.
- I work well in groups: …Just like the two Taiwanese thieves who put an advertisement in a newspaper to recruit two accomplices for a heist they had planned. They actually advertised for “salesmen” and “business commissioners”.
10. I am not afraid to ask for guidance: …Similar to the American man who stopped a cop car to ask for directions, after he’d robbed a convenience store.
11. It’s not important for me to be part of the in crowd: …Though the same can’t be said for a US man who tried to climb a twelve foot barbwire topped fence to get back into prison because he feared for his life on the outside. For this, he was sentenced to 15 years in prison.
12. I am good at networking: …Maybe as good as the Trini man who denied his Prime Minister entry to his yard during a walkabout. This man is now a FaceBook superstar.
13. I am tactful: This week, democrats received death threats because they supported the health care bill. Sarah Palin’s post “Don’t retreat. Instead, RELOAD” probably didn’t help.
14. I am fair: …Even more than Bin Laden who warned that if the U.S. executed Khalid Sheik Mohammed that they would in turn execute the Americans captured by al-Qaida.
15. I’m a problem solver: …And hopefully better than the US woman who thought that flinging her 2 year old son into her SUV, through a window, would deter the man who came to repossess the vehicle.
16. I’m modest: Two Indonesian provinces continue to flout the anti-pornography law because they see it as clashing with their cultural ideals. In these provinces women usually go topless.
17. I can influence people to follow me: …But in a different way from the 67 year old Belgian woman who committed suicide by leaping out of the window of her twelfth-floor apartment. Unfortunately she hit a 72 year old man and killed him as well.
18. I am consistent: …like the Swedish prisoner who was warned about his persistent farting. His flatulence represented a protest against prison life, and the prison warden described it as “a series of concerted attacks” on staff; the prisoner described his farts as “all noise and no fragrance”.
19. I try not to fall behind in my work; I always try to keep abreast: A US psychologist invented a bra- like device to help women who want to lift their buttocks.
Consider yourselves up to speed…