What a Wick: the last 7 days in 19 (6th to 12th March, 2010)

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This week, two of the oldest women in the US died (ages 114 and 113) but a 110 year old Jamaican is still alive and offering her secrets to longevity. It’s a miracle to be able to make it to that age given the way things are going. Don’t you think? I wonder (yea, it’s a bad habit of mine) how these centenarians see our 2010 world – its lifestyle, disasters, crime, and technologies. I wonder what goes through their minds when they hear the news. Wish I could pick their brains:

1)      What do they think about the spate of earthquakes and tsunamis? Haiti, Chile, Turkey… Do they think that these are signs of the end times?

2)      What do they think about the banana in his underwear? Oh come on…I mean the Australians are now using bananas to make men’s underwear…

3)      How would they react to the news that milk has non-nutritional value? An incarcerated US woman used her breast milk as a weapon when she squirted it into the face of a female prison guard.

4)      How would they regard Kamla for filing a ‘no confidence’ motion against T&T’s current PM? Women’s rights or the woman’s right?

5)      Would they blame the internet café or the internet for a South Korean couple’s plight? The couple was arrested this week because they spent twelve hours at a time at an internet cafe raising a virtual baby and so neglected their real premature baby at home. This resulted in the real child starving to death.

6)      Would they think it strange then, that a South Korean man chose to marry a pillow in light of the above ‘out of touch with reality’ behavior? Would they counsel him on pillow fights? Don’t go to bed angry…

7)      Would they still think that a dog is a good companion when they hear that dog owners in London will soon have to fit dogs with microchips and take out insurance for these dogs?

8)      Would they tut tut when they hear that an American woman who had no idea she was pregnant gave birth on the floor of her laundry room while alone, cut the umbilical cord herself then rushed off to pick up her other child from school?

9)      What would they think of a disabled man dismissing a nurse in Amsterdam because she refused to provide sexual services as part of regular healthcare? And the fact that the nurses have launched a campaign as a result?

10)  Would they still think that cheese is healthy when they hear that a US chef made cheese from his wife’s breast milk?

11)  Would they regret not getting freaky often enough when they hear experts report that good sex ends at age 70?

12)  Would they agree with Switzerland for refusing to allow lawyers to defend animals in court or would they say that lawyers are already defending animals in court?

13)  Would they ‘buss’ a laugh or lament the crime situation when they hear that a US man robbed 11 people but only came out with $6?

14)  Would they be upset that a big hardback 55 year old US man broke into a church to steal? Or be more upset that the man actually took a break from his looting to watch some porn using the church’s equipment?

15)  Would they wonder why the youths are moving so fast when they hear that Usain Bolt was named Laureus World Sportsman for the second year in a row?

16)  Do they believe that rats have reached the status of delicacy since they are now on the table instead of under in a St. Lucian restaurant?

17)  Do they think that it is nasty unhygienic or nasty perverted that a Swedish police man rubbed his penis all over a female cop’s vehicle? Either way, he blogged about it and he’s now being investigated.

19)  This week, it was reported that the start date for the inter-island ferry service will be announced soon. Do they think that they will live long enough to see that?

Consider yourselves up to speed…

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