Was last week’s Wick a mistake?! I’m beginning to think so. You see, last weekend, I listed 19 reasons why women ended relationships, and I got ‘real beams’ from some men – pawòl jété in texts and emails. So today I will attempt to make up for my indiscretion by pointing out that though she did the breaking up, he is still able to shift the power in his favor. How he deals with the breakup is the true measure of a man. Here are some things he can do to make her regret that move or, at the very least, upset her:
1. Mingle with people she dislikes: Obama met with the Dalai Lama against China’s wishes, so China went ahead and threw a birthday bash for Zimbabwe’s President Robert Mugabe who is not exactly a close US ally.
2. Go back to his ex: In the wake of the devastation, Haitians are calling for the return of exiled former president Aristide who was booted out for corruption in 2004.
3. Go back to church: Did you know that Tiger Woods was raised a Buddhist? Tiger claimed that he drifted away and ignored the teachings, especially those regarding restraint.
4. Go dancing and partying soon after the breakup: …But only if he’s got the moves! A US teenager was arrested for causing US $3000 worth of damage to a floor during repeated attempts at break dancing at a house party. Every time he tried, the large diamond belt buckle he wore bore into the floor.
5. Stay grounded: …Quite unlike the cargo ship that sank just off Vieux Fort this week.
6. Be more hands on in his next relationship: …Well, except if that new relationship concerns Iran and their nuclear facilities. The Iranian President made a promise to those who interfere that, “… The Iranian nation will chop off the hands from the arm of any attacker from any part of the world.”
7. Show her that he’s not afraid of being alone: A Bollywood filmmaker will award $10, 000 to anyone who can sit alone in a cinema and watch his new horror movie.
8. Show her that he can live without her at his side: …Unlike the Floridian woman who got hit in the side by a stray bullet. She claims that her love handles saved her life and now she does not believe that losing weight is such a bright idea.
9. Show her that the breakup can’t derail his plans: FIFA reported that South Africa is off track and not yet ready to host the 2010 World Cup in June.
10. Openly ogle anything in a skirt: …even inanimate objects, though not in Colorado! Because there, a poster featuring a puppet’s cleavage was just banned. Apparently this constitutes indecent exposure in that state.
11. Retie that apron string: Chris Gayle was given compassionate leave to visit his mother who has been ill. He will not be playing against Zimbabwe in Trinidad this Sunday.
12. Lime with the boys anytime, with no restrictions: A group of transgender men in Guyana has decided to pursue the right to dress as women in public. Cross-dressing is illegal in Guyana.
13. Lime with the stars: …such as Zepherinus Joseph and Lavern Spencer who were named Saint Lucia’s Sportsman and Sportswoman of the Year, respectively, for 2009.
14. Bring home quality bacon: In a city in China they believe that treating pigs well before killing them will improve the taste of the pork. Therefore, they have decided that when pigs arrive at the slaughterhouse they must be allowed a rest day before they are killed.
15. Date smoking hot women: Cuba’s cigar industry has been suffering and so they are targeting women to recuperate. Julieta is the name of their new cigar for that market.
16. Play the field: Brazilian Ronaldo has been there and done that. He will retire from football at the end of next year.
17. Ask her to return his valuables in a nonaggressive manner: Of course Chavez made the news this week! This time he called for the Queen to return the Falkland Islands to Argentina. “Queen of England, I’m talking to you… Things have changed, Mrs Queen, it is no longer 1982.”
18. Don’t fuss over her: Two Brazilian doctors were literally fighting on the delivery room floor over who should deliver a baby, while the woman was already in labour. Unfortunately the baby died as a result of that delay.
19. Reach higher heights: Some Rastafarians in Jamaica have been trying to incorporate a church for the past 14 years, but the authorities continue to hesitate because they believe that this church will promote marijuana use during worship.
Consider yourselves up to speed….