On Tuesday, I overheard someone say, “De year now start and I dan feel for a holiday already.” So I took my cue from that. Therefore, this week I’ve decided to issue an advisory (yes, I’m truly always this helpfulJ) for all those contemplating travelling soon. Here are your 19 guidelines based on this week’s happenings; decide which ones apply to you.
- No! It’s not a good idea to vacation in Haiti as yet. This week, a Royal Caribbean cruise ship docked there to allow tourists to frolic along the northern coast of this devastated country. Even some onboard thought that move a bit inappropriate.
- If you visit Germany, mind the chili sauce. Eight teenagers were just hospitalized after drinking chili sauce that was 200 times hotter than normal.
- Thinking of Jamaica as an option? Well, ensure that you glimpse the latest attraction – a 16 year old Jamaican girl! At 6’ 11”, she is the world’s tallest teenager.
- If you put on some weight over the festive season, you may reconsider travelling with Air France. Overweight persons in some cases, need to purchase 2 seats to fly with them.
- In case you’re royalty inclined, Prince Harry will be visiting Barbados next week.
- In terms of things to do in Amsterdam, the mayor wants to ban prostitution between 4a.m and 8 a.m. to fight lawlessness; but the local union for prostitutes oppose this move, claiming that that particular period is the most profitable for them.
- Have you already purchased your ticket for Trini Carnival? Thought you should know that there were 30- something murders in the first 20- something days of 2010.
- Also be careful in India. Prisoners who participate in yoga classes are freed early, based on the premise that yoga helps with self control and reduces aggression.
- If you’re looking at Guyana as an option, the dexterity of the police may put your mind at ease. A Guyanese man was shot smack-dab in the penis while resisting arrest.
10. Tiger Woods is now at sex rehab in Mississippi. The place is a bit pricey though, so be sure to check your budget.
11. Before you decide on a South African adventure, consider a “stab-proof vest” being sold by a London-based company. The company was criticized for this product, but approximately 50 people are murdered on a daily basis in South Africa…
12. California is not a wise choice for a getaway. A winter rainstorm battered the state this week.
13. I know we have terrorism on the brain, but avoid overreacting on your flight. This week, a U.S. flight was diverted because a Jewish teen’s prayer box was mistaken for a bomb.
14. When considering a hotel, note that Holiday Inn in the UK will be offering human bed-warmers soon! But, it’s not while you’re in the bed. A member of the staff will dress in a full body warmer and lie in the guest’s beds to keep it warm before the guest arrives.
15. Avoid hostile areas if you are going for relaxation. Venezuelan officials believe that the Haitian earthquake was caused by the US! According to them, the US was testing a ‘tectonic weapon’ that is really intended for use in the defeat of Iran.
16. To whom it may concern: gay churches in Jamaica are located underground. Overstand?
17. If you plan on visiting China, be warned that internet content will be restricted and you may not be able to ‘google it’. Google has threatened to withdraw from China over censorship issues.
18. If you end up in Alaska (Why? pray tell), please don’t complain if your food order is not properly fulfilled. A man who complained got spit in his taco; then when he threw the taco at the manager, he got sentenced to one day in jail and a fine of $100.
19. An American radio host said this about Haiti, “…it’s just a horrible country, it’s just dirt, it’s poverty stricken, they need a cleansing, maybe a half a million Haitians that will end up not being around tomorrow…It’s a cleanse.”” Was it really necessary to go there!?
Consider yourselves up to speed….